I consider myself to be a pretty open person. In most situations, I’ll say exactly what is on my mind. But when it comes to men, I just can’t bring myself to say three very important words – “I’m not interested”.
Context is key. I am more than willing to say I’m not interested in watching the football game. But being asked for a date by a guy I’m not attracted to poses a serious problem. How can I say “I’m not interested” without coming across as a jerk?
Let’s face it. Saying “I’m not interested” just isn’t polite. In fact, I believe it to be synonymous with several other not so polite phrases.
“You’re not my type.”
“I’m not attracted to you.”
“You’re ugly.”
Despite all efforts to provide an honest reply to a date request, I often hear myself making an excuse – usually the boyfriend excuse. Sometimes I really do have a significant other – or at least an insignificant other. Other times it’s just a flat out lie.
So if honesty really is the best policy, why does it feel so wrong in situations such as this? And what’s a woman like myself to do when asked out by an uninteresting man?
March 29th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Put a “thank you” in front – i.e. “I’m flattered, but I’m not interested.”
I quick “no” is best – anything else will lead to more pain for someone (rejection is painful, so let it be quick).
Last, don’t feel shame in rejecting someone. When I was “on the scene” I was interested in the decisive ones – they were interesting – those that seemed to want something but not say it were… less. You’re far to interesting Tish to let yourself come off as bland!
March 30th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Tell them you’ll have to find a babysitter for your five kids at home and see how quick you don’t need to come up with an excuse than.
March 31st, 2009 at 11:46 am
Ooh… tough one… only because there is both honesty and rejection involved in one fell swoop.
Though, personally I’d rather hear the honesty. I figure I’m a big boy and can handle the rejection. Just don’t use the “… like a brother” line. lol.
April 6th, 2009 at 12:09 am
I agree with Mike. It’s better to say “no”. But I can’t deny that sometimes I do make excuses too, afraid to hurt someone.
April 7th, 2009 at 2:46 am
Just say whatever pops up instantly from your heart. I can settle for that…in the meantime perhaps. Men like me would be brave enough to accept what a pretty lady like yourself decides. But do expect for another knock…hehehe…
June 29th, 2009 at 3:07 am
It is not easy to say no without offending someone. You need to learn the skill. Thanks for sharing my friend.