The Kat House

I have long had a fascination with writing utensils. It goes all the way back to when I was a tot, writing with those gigantic pencils that took both hands just to lift. Once I had mastered that tool, it was time to move on to the regular slender pencils - and a whole new way of writing. Look Mom - one hand!

When I was in seventh grade, there were pencil machines around school. I’m not sure if the schools have them these days, but man - these things were great! For a quarter, you got two shiny new pencils, and the design was always a surprise! Sometimes they had cartoon characters on them. Sometimes you got special seasonal designs. It was anyone’s guess! I vividly remember getting two new pencils one morning. I can’t remember what was on them, but I remember being really excited about my new acquisition. I slipped them down into the pocket on the side of my purse and went about my business. At the end of the day, I was going down a flight of stairs, and I thought I felt something tug on my purse. I turned around to see this jerk of a kid practically right against me. I don’t remember his name, but I can still see his face just like it was yesterday. I didn’t notice anything unusual, so I just went on home. Later I realized that both pencils were gone - stolen right out of my purse! And though I had no evidence, I was pretty damn sure it was that kid from the staircase. I held a grudge against him from that day forward.

As an adult, I rarely use a pencil. I’m now obsessed with pens. I have metal pens, plastic pens, red pens, blue pens, pens with fuzzy feather toppers, and even pens that light up when you write. But there is one pen that I consider to be the world’s best - the Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball with Extra Fine Tip. No other tip will do. I prefer blue ink, but I occasionally purchase the ones with black ink. Yes, I’m very picky with my pens.

As for that kid from middle school, well, you know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served cold. And the little pencil dick is eventually going to get his just desserts - nicely chilled for 24 years and counting!