The Kat House

I have always believed in choosing my friends based on the people they are today - not what they were like in the past. After all, none of us are perfect, and we all have the ability to change. A few years ago, I would have told you that I have always selected my friends in such a manner, but experience has since shown me that you should never totally disregard the past.

A few years ago, I met a guy on an online dating site. He seemed perfect. A very nice, charming, ambitious guy. He was a journalist for a local newspaper, and we really hit it off. A short while after we started dating, he told me of his troubled past with substance abuse. He had gone through drug and alcohol rehab, and still belonged to a couple of related support groups. I didn’t consider it a problem. After all, he had turned over a new leaf, right? Wrong. He struggled so much on a daily basis that even my constant encouragement wasn’t enough. I felt like he despised me because I hadn’t experienced the same thing myself. Our relationship came to a screeching halt. Did I learn a lesson? Unfortunately not.

I did the very same thing two years later. Met another “great” guy who had struggled with alcohol in the past. At least he said it was in the past. Turned out that it was also in the present, and despite my efforts to be the best, most supportive girlfriend I could be, he walked all over me and crushed my heart in the process. Once again, I felt like I was despised because I hadn’t experienced the same thing myself and therefore wasn’t able to personally relate to his pain.

Those experiences really opened my eyes. I still pride myself on being able to overlook a person’s past in most cases, but I make an exception when it comes to romantic relationships. I will never again get involved with someone with a history of substance abuse. The guy who crushed my heart used to tell me over and over again, “Tish, you can’t save me.” And he was right. I tried - and failed. And that feeling of failure, both as a girlfriend and a friend, is something I hope I never experience again.