There’s an email that has been circulating for several years now. It talks about how friends can be categorized into three groups - those there for a reason, those there for a season, and those there for a lifetime. Until recently, I had never really spent much time pondering the message. I now realize that the author couldn’t have been more right.
I had a friend that my world once revolved around. We had lots of good times together - until he chose to walk away. Since that time, we’ve had occasional phone calls that have become less and less meaningful. For the past few weeks, we’ve talked only once or twice, and we haven’t had a thing to say to each other. The conversations have been forced - probably as much for him as for me. Speaking to someone out of a feeling of obligation is wrong, so I did what I felt needed to be done. This time, I did the walking.
The friendship ended a long time ago, but I have now laid it to rest. I feel sad, but at the same time, I feel liberated. Our friendship was real - but only for a season.
Goodbye, and good luck.
September 24th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Yeah I know exactly what you mean, Tish. There are a lot of “friends” I kept in touch with over the years really just through emails but now it does seem almost like an obligation. It’s sad but like you said, it’s only for a season (even if the season is 1 month, 5 years or whatever.)
Good for you for just walking. Life’s too short to stand on obligations, y’know?
September 24th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Kinda been running into that rather a lot, here lately. To be honest, it’s worn me down a little bit, especially with a couple different people. One, up until a couple years ago, I’d have called my best friend in the world.
It wears you out.
But, at the end of the day, it makes you examine who your friends are, and what they mean to you. When you get down to it, I can probably count on a couple fingers the people who’ve stuck with me through thick and thin, despite the distances and circumstances that get created in life.
What I’ve run into the past several months is that I gotta be more and more thankful for those couple of friends.
September 24th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Once Mum was criticized for not trying to keep a friendship with someone, who was definitely a ‘reason’ friend. Turned out this friend introduced Mum and me to agility. That was her purpose in our life, and they are not friends anymore, even though they are friendly when they see each other. Mum’s not too sad about it though, because she knew that person was supposed to tell us about agility, change our life and then go on, probably to change someone else’s life. She just knew it in her gut.
It’s still sad sometimes to loose a friend…..we be thinking about you….
September 24th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
I of course always try to find friends that will last a lifetime but sometimes for whatever reason that isn’t always the case. Sometimes it’s something they do that makes things go sour and sometimes it may be even something I do. I try to learn from each experience though.
Nice post =)
September 24th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
I am proud of you. It’s not always easy to admit when a relationship of any kind is over. It IS indeed sad but I think the saddest part was that this *friend* walked away from someone who I know is a great “blog” friend, therefore must be an amazing friend IRL…
I think you did the right thing. I think you are amazingly strong and independant. I think I want to be you when I grow up…lol…
~hugs~
September 24th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
With me, friends have been few and far between. Too many of my friendships have lasted for only but a season. How I wish if only a few of them would have lasted longer… But maybe a few of those relationships were for a reason, to make me wiser, to make me know myself better, to understand and help others later in life that I met. Many stand alone in this world, but I hope to stand next to someone I can call friend.
September 25th, 2007 at 2:56 am
I’ve encountered the same situation before, and I know it will happen again in future. Friends come and go but the memories will still linger on…Interesting post!!
September 25th, 2007 at 3:53 am
Hi Tish, what a nice post. I like the way you wrote it. Sorry to hear about your friend, it’s tough letting go of a friendship, but sometimes that’s the only way to go. Hugs n Love!
Btw, I tagged u on a very easy meme here!
http://mariuca.blogspot.com/2007/09/whats-on-your-desktop.html
September 25th, 2007 at 11:17 am
You always take the high road. I love that about you. It is sad to end a friendship but at least you were smart enough to figure out when it was over. I’m glad you “tried” to be friends even after spending time together hoping for more. You’re a good friend, even when you’re not friends with someone. I hope that made sense.
September 25th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Tish, I know that situation all too well. I unfortunately have lost several friends of twenty years or more. My best friend growing up was one of them. I saw him on a Sunday night; the following week, I heard through friends he got married and then moved away. I didn’t know he even had a girlfriend and didn’t get to be his best man like we had talked about all those years. Recently, out of the blue he tried to befriend me on my old unused MySpace page. What a way to contact me when he knows my phone number like the back of his hand. It was a season.
A twenty-two year season.
September 25th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
i had a somewhat similar post not long ago too. i know i should be grateful for all i learned from the friendship(s), and the time we spent doing things but i always feel resentful for the time i put into it only to have nothing to show for it in the end. i’d rather spend my time toward relationships that will end up really meaning something in the long run but you never know, do you? i think girls are worse about this stuff than men are too.
September 25th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Hey Tish!
Yeah, it kind of sucks that life works out that way sometimes. It’s just one of those things.
September 25th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Such a fantastic post Tish. I agree with what Tommy said that the whole thing can “wear you out”.
Over the years, I’ve really been fortunate enough to have always had a really strong circle of friends. But lately it’s been funny that me, the first guy to have gotten married and have a kid is the one trying to keep it all together as in making the effort with the relationships.
It’s really a sad thing to see all of my friends kind of go their separate ways from all the rest, but I guess in the end you’re left with those who really mean something and I’m forever glad I know that.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:03 am
Friendships ebb and flow. I’ve reconnected with old friends and found that we’re closer than ever, even in one case having bit spoken in several years. While i think romantic relationships can and should have permanent endings, I’m reluctant to ever close the book on any friendship.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:05 am
Sorry for the typos. Hazards of surfing on a phone.
September 26th, 2007 at 1:09 am
Andrew - I guess we have all had a few people like that in our lives. I feel liberated. Maybe you should try it.
Thanks for the nice comment.
Tommy - I know exactly what you mean. I’ve recently realized that while I have lots of acquaintances, very few of them are real friends. Thanks for stopping by!
Johann - Thank you for the nice comment. And it’s nice that your Mum had that friendship and learned great things from it. It definitely goes to show that not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime. We should just be thankful for them while they last.
Mike - Thanks! And learning from your experiences is key!
Miz - Aww. You always say the nicest things! Thank you!
Justin - It’s nice that you can recognize what you’ve learned from the friendships you’ve had. Hopefully you’ll meet lots more lifetime friends along the way! Thanks for the comment!
Choc - Thank you! And how right you are! Even when we walk away, we keep the good memories!
Marzie - Thanks for the kind words! And thanks for the tag. I’ll go check it out now.
Have a great night!
Flat Coke - That means a lot coming from you. You’re the best!
Bobby - I can’t believe a “friend” would treat you like that. I’m sorry that it ended the way it did, but at least you can move on with the good memories you have! Thanks for stopping by!
Amy - I know exactly how you feel. We never know how things will end, so it’s always best to put everything we have into what we feel is worth it. It’s just a shame that sometimes we’re wrong. Thanks for your nice comment!
JC - Hey! Nice to see you again! And yes, it certainly does suck. But hey - that’s life.
Bush - Thank you! I’m glad you’ve always had a close-knit group of friends. When the first one in the group gets married and has kids, it’s hard on the others sometimes. They feel like they’ve lost you instead of having gained another friend in your spouse. Ya know? I hope your friends come around and get a little more comfortable with the situation though. Maybe they will start making more of an effort soon! Good luck!
Steve - Nice thoughts. I’ve always had a few exes that I’ve remained friends with, but recently I’ve discovered that it’s usually not the best way to do things. I think I’m with you in that romantic relationships could and should have permanent endings. Thanks for stopping by!
September 26th, 2007 at 4:14 am
Maybe we attract people to us for a reason. And maybe when we have learnt what we had to learn, they could then move on?
September 26th, 2007 at 9:17 am
It’s really tough when a relationship becomes one sided as I’ve learned recently. I hate it when I send message after message and never get any kind of response. Especially on Myspace when you know that a person has logged in after you sent them a message. I guess they just can’t be bothered to send a reply.
September 26th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Hey Tish!
I know how it feels. I think that everyone has gone thru that experience at least once in their lives.
“(..) for a reason, season, lifetime” - how true this is!
Complete Geek is right: what is the problem with people who don’t reply to others? Do they realise how rude they are?
I reply everybody regardless their friendship category: it is called social etiquette!
Cheers
September 26th, 2007 at 11:52 am
That was a really sad post Tish, and as the comments show everyone can relate to your experience. This has happened to me many times but the worst was letting go of a twenty two year old relationship. I hung in there for the last two years out of a sense of obligation of how my friend had helped me 15 years ago! I still feel bad about ending it but it was getting to the point of absolutely nothing in common.
On a more lighthearted note I’ve tagged you for Mariuca’s Carpet Ride meme (on Coffee Break).
Good luck Tish, hope you have a happy day:)