Mention his name, and big burly men cower in fear. He’s a legend around these parts- fortunately, one I’ve yet to confirm the existence of. He guards the gates of the county dump, but he may as well guard the gates of Hell. Lucifer himself couldn’t strike as much terror in the hearts of the local residents.
I made the move from the city to the county a few months ago. I love the new place, but unfortunately, it doesn’t come with some of the conveniences I had while living in the city. I received garbage pickup while in the city. It wasn’t free, mind you – it was rolled into those insane property taxes. My property taxes are now less than half of what they were before, but garbage pickup is an extra $300 per year – $300 more than I want to pay. I live only a mile or so from a solid waste/recycling center, so I just haul off my own garbage each week.
I’m a girly girl, and the idea of going to a dump site was a foreign one when I moved here. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I sure didn’t want to embarrass myself by doing something stupid. So I did what I normally do. I asked a few of the guys at work. Just what do I do when I get to the dump?
“Pass by the recycle bins, and then you’ll see large bins for household trash. Just get out and throw your bags in the bin – fast! Do it before the Dump Man gets you!”
What?
“If you bring too much trash…or if your license plate was issued in any county other than Knox…or if you breathe…he’ll rip you to shreds and throw your mangled body in the dumpster! I’ve been on the front lines of war, and I’ve fought dragons barehanded, but it all pales in comparison to my encounters with the Dump Man!”
Maybe I should just pay the $300, but I like to live on the wild side.
I get up early each Saturday morning so that I can make my way to the dump right as it opens. I rush in and rush out. So far, I haven’t seen anything resembling this mythical beast. In fact, I was starting to wonder if he was just that – a myth. So I once again confronted the guys at work.
“The Dump Man doesn’t work on Saturdays.”
I guess this explains why Saturday dump traffic rivals that of a Vols game at Neyland Stadium. I’m forced to get up at the crack of dawn on my day off just to arrive before the rest of Knoxville does.
I pity those poor souls who are forced to work on Saturdays.
September 2nd, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Is it gross that I thought of something else when I read the words “dump man”?
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Mike – Yes, that’s gross. But still pretty funny!
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:36 pm
That is just such a typical guy thing to say, gross. LoL.
I think you should go on another day and snap a picture of the dump man, I have no idea why but it would be fascinating to see. LoL. Hysterical post Tish:)
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Good one, Mike! I mean, er, yeah that is soooo pedantic and juveline. I’m ashamed to be a guy….
And Tish, crazy timing. I literally JUST took my trash and recyclables out to the curb, came back in, washed my hands and jumped on here only to see your post about the Dump Man! ESP? Spooky karma? Subliminal bloggin? Curious minds want to know…
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 am
That was cute. (:
September 3rd, 2007 at 10:45 am
Tish, the dump man does work Saturdays, someone had to unlock the gate. Best to travel in pairs when heading off to the dump, but if you must go it alone be careful. Many a young maiden have mysteriously disapeared never to be heard from agin when encountering the Dump Man.
September 3rd, 2007 at 3:56 pm
We have a guy here that just drives up and down the road checking out any unfortunate woman that happens to be in her yard as he drives past. He almost comes to a complete stop on our one lane road, and you can see the drool hanging from his lip. Any age will do. I’ve seen him stare at girls from 12 years old, to my 80+ neighbor.
Oh yea, and he only has one arm. (I hope I don’t offend any one armed people that may read this). His other arm is missing from the elbow down. Whenever a lady catches him staring, he proceeds to wave his severed arm at them and they hide behind the nearest bush, car, tree, that they can find.. Needless to say, they are not pleased. (Again, no offence to any people that are missing limbs…this guy is just weird.)
Maybe this guy needs to pay Dump Man a visit. They could become best friends!
September 3rd, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Bucky…please tell me that you’re only kidding…you’re going to give me nightmares, lol.
September 4th, 2007 at 6:28 am
I wish I were kidding Christy, but for once, I speak the truth.
September 4th, 2007 at 9:49 am
As a former resident . . . where in the world is the Knox County dump??
September 4th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I think we share the same dump Tish.
I too know of this crazy old man, he walks by and look in the bed of my truck – at my black bags of trash – as if to be judging them worthy or not. The reason I use black bags is so he can’t get an idea of what I’m throwing away.
Once I got into an argument with him. I have a small Toyota pickup. There is a sign that says you are limited to “One 8×5 bed load + one trailer” or some such rules about using the trash bins. My bed is 5×4 if that. No trailer. I’m hauling away my old kitchen, and on the second trip he gives me flack because the sign says “One”. I tell him my truck is not at the size limit and point at the guy with the F350+flat bed trailer tossing over what looks like a complete mobile trailer cut into pieces. He finally walked off saying it was “okay this time”.
But that’s the day Mike fought the Dump Man, and Mike Won.
September 4th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
First, I found you through Max. Second I like your site! You have way of writing that is entertaining as well as fun. Would you be interested in a link exchange? Come on by and take a look. If you agree, go ahead and link me up, leave a comment that you have done so and I will immediately reciprocate. I believe my readers would enjoy your blog. I have a significant compliment of lady bloggers on my blogroll. http://mondaymorningpower.blogspot.com
September 8th, 2007 at 10:20 am
You’re a man’s girly girl if you dump your own trash. You rock!
Rolando
September 9th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Well, since I was one of your advisors, I guess I can fill in some of the details of who and what the Dump Man is. The Dump Man is not human…he looks like a cross between the guy whose wife “runnoft” in O Brother and Junior from Texas Chainsaw Massacre…..He dines exclusively on roadkill and sleeps in the pile of tires around back…His name is John and he got hit by a truck back in the 70′s, he can’t do anything so now he wants to screw up everything you do….Do not speak to him and do not ask for help…he won’t tear you to shreds, but you’ll wish he had….and something I find a little scary, I have never seen any person dumping trash more than once….I was there last week and as I pulled to a stop at the dumpster, “Hotel California” was playing on the radio….It’s true what they say, “You can check out any time you want but you can never leave….”
September 16th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Your Dump Man is my Nose Blower In The Booth Next To Mine At The Restaurant Guy. Yeah, exactly.
Nice post. Really nice post. You’ll see it again in my next carnival.
