The Kat House

I had quite the wakeup call the other day. While in Michigan with Terry, I heard him say, “Middle aged people like myself…” I didn’t hear another word after that. Middle aged? This guy is maybe 10 years older than myself! I have certainly never thought of myself as middle aged or even anywhere close to it.

My mind began to wander. I’ll turn 34 this month. Is that middle aged? At what point will I be middle aged? I began to recall all the high school classmates that I’ve run into since graduation. Some of them have children that are now 14 or 15 years old!

Life is funny. It never seems to work out quite the way you had it planned. I now realize that sometimes this is a blessing in disguise. When I was 20, I had my life all mapped out. I would have a successful career. I would get married to a wonderful man. I’d have one child by age 30. After age 30, it would be smooth sailing. I’d be content in spending my remaining years being the best wife and mother I could be, all while leading a successful career - doing what, I have no idea. That’s the only part of this fantasy that wasn’t quite clear at the time.

At age 21, I made a poor decision. I married a man who had absolutely no respect for me. By the time I wised up, I had spent a total of six years with him. I divorced. I moved on. I went back to school. I healed. And I swore that I’d never marry again.

Fast forward to the present. I keep thinking of that Garth Brooks song. You know the one - “Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers/Remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs/That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care/Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” Indeed. My marriage didn’t work out. My child didn’t work out. But you know what did? I learned some valuable lessons! I learned a lot about who am I, and what I do and don’t want in a relationship. I learned to respect myself. I learned that the right man is worth waiting for. I learned that love is not love unless it is without condition. And most importantly, I learned that in the end, things work out as they should.

So here I sit, in the quietness of my home. I smile to myself when I think of how far I’ve come - from a naive, scared, little girl with big dreams to a content and confident woman who is patiently waiting to see what happens next. I still have dreams, but they are much different these days. I’ve decided that marriage can be a beautiful thing if you find the right person. I want to find that person. Being in the mid-30s, however, I’d rather not put my body through the stress of a pregnancy. Adopting a child or becoming a stepmother would be ideal. Careerwise, I am satisfied with where things stand right now.

Times have changed. Views have changed. I have changed. I guess I should chalk it all up to the wisdom that comes with middle age!