The Kat House

On tonight’s movie agenda - Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

When talking about this movie with my buddy Dan, an interesting conversation was sparked. Just how many Krystals can YOU eat? Dan insists that he can eat two sackfuls! That’s 20 Krystals, folks! Perhaps I should have worded this question differently - Just how many Krystals can you SAFELY eat. That, my friends, is the true question.

I have done extensive research on this topic. Many years ago, I spent some time working for Krystal. During that time, I partipated in many conversations about the bodily effects of a Krystal. If you are a Krystal virgin, beware. If you order a sackful on your first visit, your digestive system will suffer ill effects. The appropriate thing to do is to start with only a couple of Krystals and work your way up only when you are certain that digestion is still occurring properly. I recommend recording your Krystal meals in a journal. At the first sign of indigestion (commonly referred to as the “Krystal shits”), reduce your Krystal intake by one on the next visit.

There are many factors that must be taken into consideration when planning a visit to Krystal. Age, metabolism, activity level, overall health - these all contribute to the way your body will respond to a Krystal. Once again, your journal will come in handy when it comes to documenting your specific responses to a Krystal.

Just what is it that creates the undesirable digestive problems associated with a Krystal? I have theorized that it’s the mustard. Friends insist that it’s the pickle. Perhaps it is a secret ingredient yet to be divulged to the public - maybe even the same one that contributes to the addictive nature of the Krystal. The world may never know.