I made a bold move today. No longer will I allow myself to be hurt by G! I was doing well, moving on, and hardly thinking of him until he got back in touch with me a couple of months ago. Since that time, we have been exchanging emails - several a week. I just found out that he now has a girlfriend. What am I? Chopped liver? I feel so used and abused. Anyway, I guess the communications that we have had got my hopes up that maybe sometime in the future we would be back together. Finding out about this new girl rips my heart out. I think it is in my best interest to dissolve communications with G, at least until I no longer have any feelings at all for him. I just sent him this email:
“G, I have been thinking about your email all day, and I think I need to say a few more things. I am really struggling here. As much as I care about you, there is a part of me that thinks I should disappear from your life completely. I am really torn for several reasons. First, you have someone else. You don’t need me. End of story. And if you’re communicating with me because you feel sorry for me, don’t bother. I have been fine, and I will continue to be fine. Second, we’re not ‘friends’ in the true sense of the word. Friends should be able to pick up the phone and call each other. We can’t do that. And believe me, I will never do that again now that I know you have someone. I’m deleting your number from my cell phone, my address book, and my memory. Friends should be able to see each other from time to time. We can’t do that either. My friends would be there if I had a problem or got hurt. You can’t even offer me a hug. So just what is it that I’m getting from our friendship? An occasional email that I think is written more out of a feeling of obligation than anything else. What do you get out of this friendship? You get a bigger ego, since I’m always telling you how much I care for you. I don’t think this is healthy, at least not for me. And as much as it hurts, I think I need a break from you. I am never going to move on and forget about you if we keep having contact. As soon as I feel a little more equipped to handle the situation, you will hear from me. Don’t think that I’ve forgotten about you, because that is so far from the truth. For now, though, just know that I still want nothing but the best for you. You will always have a special place in my heart.”
I feel that I have done the right thing by sending that email, but why do I feel like crap? I just wish my knight in shining armor would hurry and come rescue me! Knight, are you out there somewhere?
